i think a root of my anxieties etc. is the fact that i'm struggling to make myself feel like i'm growing without them around.  meg, jared, laura, dave, scooby, rhoads.  it's awesome when i hang out with rhoads, and i always feel awesome about it.  hanging out with her now is like me trying to hang on to that.  

i'm scared.  i'm scared to move on without them.  i liked who i was around them so much.  i was very comfortable with myself.  and i seem or feel like i'm lost without them maybe.

thank you for the email, meg.  it's one of the best things i've ever read.